Back
by recchinon
Summary: He wants his money, time, and freedom. Now that he gets all back, he realizes the only thing he wants back is her.


**Back**

**Disc: standard applied**

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A relationship... I'd rather call it 'relationshit'. My time, my money, my sanity... If I knew a relationshit cost so much, I would never have any in the first place. Four years of relationship and I'd been in a relationshit for one year and now, it'd been over.

When the first time I dated her, it had happened naturally, she confessed and I accepted her. She had always been loving me and I thought if it had been her, it would be okay. Maybe I was wrong.

Now, I wanted my money, my time and my sanity back.

The way she smiled, the way she kissed my chin, the perfume she wore... Everything. I couldn't forget them all. I knew everything about her...

She was one of the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. One of the clumsiest girls. And weirdest.

She was everything. I had thought if it were her, maybe I could move on even after I lost my shinigami power. She proved me, for four years we've been together, I could survive without the power.

She had done much, but I thought, a relationship wasn't my thing.

I, afterall, wanted my money, time, and sanity back. I wanted my freedom back.

I climbed the stairs with a smirked on my face and a key in my hand. Even before I opened the apartment door, I could smell it. I knew what this smell was.

I opened the door with the key in my hand, "Orihime! You're making curry tonight, right?"

Her big eyes widened when she saw me enter the apartment room. I took off my shoes, I was right, it was really curry.

"Ichigo-kun?" She blinked her eyes as I walked to her. She was having her dinner alone on the low table in the middle of the room.

"Did you make enough for me?"

"Ah!" She was startled, "Uh, yeah, there's enough but..."

I walked to the corner, where the kitchen set was to check on the pot. Once I opened the lid I could smell the wasabi from the curry. I wrinkled my nose. I was typically her to make something like this. I mean, who put wasabi into curry? And what was it? Ketchup?

"Whoa! This is not curry!"

"Umm, it is curry combination," she explained, "I added some ketchup and wasabi..."

See?

"There you go, Hime," I sighed and looked at her from my shoulder, "trying to experiment with food? Let's stop with this kind of food, make it more normal... Okay?"

She didn't look at me, continued eating what she had on her plate, "it tastes good to me though..."

I rolled my eyes and walked to the refrigerator to get a can of beer. I only drank Kirin beer, and she knew it. So I expected to find some cans there but I found nothing.

"Hey, Hime? You didn't buy me beer?"

"Oh no, I didn't," I heard she put the spoon down, "But Ichigo-kun..."

I sighed and moved to the cupboard where she kept the plates. I would endure having weird curry with no beer tonight.

"...didn't we break up already? You and me?"

For a moment, we didn't say anything. I still tried to find my plate amongst those plates. My special plates she bought for me.

"Where's the oink-berry? I can't find it in the cupboard," I turned around and frowned, "don't tell me you're using it? C'mon, don't do that, it's mine! You said that."

She didn't say anything. Orihime avoided my eyes and looked down onto her dinner.

"The plate's for me when I'm over."

She sighed.

"Right?"

She still couldn't, or didn't want to?, look at me.

"I threw it away."

I walked to her and laughed, I hoped she was joking.

"Why'd you do that?" If I knew Orihime, she wouldn't really do that, "that's mean, Hime..."

Finally she looked at me, "you're the one who threw it away, Ichigo-kun!"

Her cheeks were red and she looked like ready to cry. She didn't look angry but she looked hurt. Her grey eyes met mines and I could see a fat tear was ready to fall.

Why?

"Didn't you always complain, Ichigo-kun?"

Why?

"About the oink-berry..."

Why?

"About the food..."

Why?

"About me..."

...Did I?

"You didn't like any of it, right?"

I stood there. Only two meters away from her. I could jump and hug her from her anytime I want to but I couldn't.

Orihime's cooking was horrible.

No, not only the curry. She would make so many weird foods, mixing things that shouldn't go together. She called it food, but secretly I knew it couldn't be really foods when it could kill people.

There was also the oink-berry. The weird looking creature, like a mix of strawberry and pig. Whoever had designed the character must have been out of idea. The plate was for me, she said. That childish looking plate she got from exchanging the points she got when buying the breads in the bakery.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

When I realized it, I already had a struggling girl in my arms. My hand was busy undressing her. She tried to stop me but I wouldn't stop. I kissed her but she kept pushing me away. It was frustrating.

"We've... Haven't we broke up?" She was struggling, "Ichigo-kun?"

"I wonder about that."

I threw away the sweater she wore, tried to rip her bra when she started crying.

I stopped.

She shouldn't cry.

She...

...Loved me, right?

"Orihime," I begged, "don't cry..."

"Then stop, don't do this."

She was really crying. I made her cry. When was the last time I made her crying?

"It's unfair, Ichigo-kun, you're the one who broke up with me," she sobbed, "you forgot already? I begged, I came to you many times... I wanted to come back but you rejected me over and over..."

She was right.

But she was wrong.

"That's why, I..."

She didn't get to finish what she wanted to say because I kissed her. Pushing her body to the floor, still trying to get rid of her bra.

"Ichigo-kun!" She pushed me away, "Stop it!"

I paused. Still hovering above her. Her face was wet and her lips were swollen after the forceful kiss. She looked beautiful just like always.

I didn't have anything smart to say. If I were Ishida, I might have something to say at times like this. If I were Ishida, however I wouldn't make this mistake.

I had nothing to say, nothing to justified what I had done. I could only show it with action.

So I pushed her down once again, lips on her exposed neck. I was about to leave some mark on her when she once again stopped me.

"What about your freedom?"

_I did want my freedom._

"Your money?"

_I did want my money._

"Your time?"

_I did want my time._

"Your chance... All the things you said you wanted back..."

_I did want them all._

"I..." I choked, "I did say that..."

"You said that I am too much pressure for you..."

"Yeah, but..."

But couldn't I change my mind?

I looked into her eyes. She still looked hurt. Did I hurt her again?

"You said..." I swallowed, "you said you couldn't get over me, right?"

She rubbed her eyes, "true, but..."

"You said that you'd fix everything, that you had to be with me!"

"I said that, but..."

She was crying, but she didn't know how much I tried not to cry at the time. A man shouldn't cry. I tried not to let her know that I was fighting back some tear.

Her. It was her fault...

"Then why?" I asked, "why did you fall for another guy?"

She sat up. Her face was red. Her hair was messy. She looked at me with a kind of look I couldn't read. She looked like someone else. She looked different.

"Because, you said you want to start over, you want to see other people..." She sighed and shook her head, "because you want to get rid of me forever from your life."

"But... But..."

She didn't understand.

Even I, myself, couldn't understand. What did I want? Why did I do that?

"You haven't found another person right?" It was weird to hear her talking so nice to me like that, "so you're scared because I move on before you could find another person to replace me?" She smiled gently, "well, don't worry. Ichigo-kun is a great man, I'm sure you can..."

"That's not it!"

I looked at the girl in front of me. She was smiling kindly. She looked... Strong. How could she?

Ten days ago... Where was Orihime ten days ago? Just ten days ago she was still crying and telling me that she loved me...

Ten days ago...

_"Ichigo-kun, how are you?" _

_The girl I had dated since high school still contacted me frequently though we broke up._

_"I... I just wonder if you're okay... I wanna hear your voice..." _

_It'd always start by something stupid. Asking me whether I"m fine, saying that she just wanted to hear my voice, something like that._

_"Ok, that's it? So, nothing else?"_

_I would answered coldly. In fact, I was tired of her phone calls. _

_Because I knew, by the end she would ask if we could work things out._

_"I've told you hundred times! Get over it already!"_

_I would hang up just like that._

_She didn't understand. I wanted to be free. I wanted to be back to my old self before I started dating her. I didn't hate her, I just didn't think I could go on like this. _

_But she kept doing that._

_Calling._

_Texting._

_Begging._

_Didn't she understand that if she kept doing this I might end up hate her?_

_Until then she sent me that text message. _

_And never contacted me again._

"You texted me saying, 'I've met someone else, so this is goodbye.'. You ended everything so suddenly, simply like that..."

She looked at me.

"You ended it up suddenly too, Ichigo-kun."

I wondered how she could sound so calm.

"It was so suddenly, I..." She smiled, "that's why I needed time to sort my feelings. But I'm okay now. I won't bug you anymore, so don't worry..."

_Don't worry?_

"I will be able to forget you..."

I couldn't hold it anymore. She didn't understand...

I pulled her toward me harshly.

"Orihime!"

"Kyaa! Don't, Ichigo!"

I ripped her bra, ignoring her cried. She tried to fight me but I was always much stronger than her.

"What do you mean by "forget"?"

"Ichi!" She tried to cover her breasts with her hands, "I said, stop, Ichigo!"

I pulled her hands and held them above her head.

Then I saw it.

A single red mark on her breast.

I felt like...

No, I felt nothing.

"A hickey?"

She looked away, avoiding my eyes. She said nothing to defend herself. I wished she would said it was something else. I wished she would explain something.

She said nothing.

My time, my money, my freedom, and a chance. I wanted those back so I broke up with Orihime. And yeah, I got them all back.

On my days off, I could sleep all day without getting yelled out. I could use all my money on whatever. No one would demand anything of me.

And no one wanted me.

After she sent me that text, she never contacted me anymore.

I would live my life peacefully.

A little too peacefully.

I would check my mobile every now and then for any mail from her. I would open my apartment door, imagining someone was knocking on it the way she often did it when we were still together.

Being single was so easy, that was the reason why I thought, that getting back together would be just as easy...

I laughed.

"I was just kidding, silly..." I took the sweater from the floor and threw it to her, "you sent that weird mail out of the blue and all, so I though I'd mess around. Kinda hoping you'll let me do you once more... Or not?"

She didn't say anything as she put on her sweater.

"So, what's your new boyfriend like?"

Did she felt this hurt when I dumped her?

I stood up and walked to the door. I had nothing to do here anymore.

She followed me, still saying nothing.

"You know, you're too kind, Hime... I hope this time you wouldn't get involved with any bad guy..."

Me from ten days ago...

"See you."

...go to hell.

"And I will erase your data from my phone so you won't hear from me again."

She watched me putting my shoes on, "'kay..."

She sounded weak.

Did she pity me?

I tried not to look at her. No. I wouldn't cry. I shouldn't cry.

I was standing up and ready to go when she stopped me.

"Wait."

I was hoping she said "don't go" instead. But I did as she asked. I waited for her as she walked to the kitchen and came back with something in her hand.

She handed it over to me.

In my hands an ugly pig-strawberry staring at me. The oink-berry plate.

"If you didn't want it... It's okay," she smiled faintly, "actually I planned to cherish it forever."

I looked at her then back at the plate.

"But I was happy you remember it. If it meant something to you, please keep it."

I walked out the door, still holding on the plate. She closed the door behind me and I turned to stare at the closed door.

So, this was really over?

Orihime's food was almost not edible. Her horrible cooking, and this horrible looking oink-berry...

The oink-berry that would smile back at me as if a prize for me cleaning my plate.

My time, my money, my freedom... Suddenly all didn't seem important to me anymore. I threw away something and now it was too late to pick it up.

I sat on the floor in front of the door. Hugging my knees and fighting back tears. I was a guy. A guy didn't cry.

If...

I could hear footsteps from her apartment.

If only I had another chance to amend then I'd be more accepting.

Orihime opened the door suddenly. She looked in hurry and stopped when she realized I was there, hugging my knees, tried to disappear in front of her apartment door.

"Ichigo-kun?"

I didn't bother to hide my tears.

They were manly tears, anyway.

Besides, she hated me right? I didn't have to pretend to be cool anymore.

"I brought you some curry to eat," she said, somehow shyly, "you haven't eaten yet..."

I scowled.

"What's with the tupperware? Telling me to go home and eat that?" I stood on my knees, startling her, "I don't need that!"

She looked at me with mixed emotion on her beautiful face. Startled when I hug her tights and buried my face on her stomach.

"Let me eat it inside..."

My time, my money, my freedom...

I would give it all away for a chance to amend.

If only...

She patted my head softly.

"Dummy..."

If only...

"Let's come in."

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**Author's Note:**

_Hi!_

_This plot is borrowed from a seinen manga I read long time ago from my brother magazine when we were still living in Japan. I was surprised because my brother read something like this, but uh, I forgot the manga title... I just remembered that it was a seinen manga._


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